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The Consequences of Nostalgic Impulses

The icon is purely because I'm going to be talking about this character.

MAJOR SPOILERS FOR BLEACH AND NARUTO BELOW THE CUT.
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Meh Ships

With Gency (Genji/Mercy from Overwatch) Valentine's Day lines being found in the PTR, it got me thinking about ships that I don't hate, but I don't really like either? I've actually got lots of those. There are very few ships that I actively NOTP -like, hate with a fiery passion that makes me foam at the mouth- but there are quite a few ships that I don't much care for. The best way to describe it is a passive dislike for a ship? Like, there's just this hint of "nah" whenever I think about it, and that's what I feel about Gency. I don't NOTP Gency, but I don't really like it either. And with it being all-but-confirmed as canon, I'm just stuck here like "ugh." To be fair, though, worse fan pairings could've been confirmed that are worse than a doctor and her patient. We could've gotten Meihem or something (in-game dialogue confirms that Mei does not like Junkrat at all, let alone is in love with him, sooooo).

Idk, just, ugh, Gency's canon and I just started shipping Genyatta a couple weeks ago, fml. Now I'm going to be seeing more bg Gency in my McHanzo, UGH.

At this point, I'm praying that McCree and/or Hanzo are gay af. Bi or Pan would be just as good, but I don't want them in a fucking hetero relationship, I just don't. The only way I'd be cool with that is if they were with a female-identifying omnic or something. Also, if the lady doesn't end up being SOMBRA or something. Jfc, I'm going to be lowkey stressed 24/7 until one or both of their sexualities are revealed.

Favorite OW Characters as of Today

As in, they're incredibly liable to change. After all, the world is still evolving and there are many different characters to play as, so change is inevitable. I still loves lists, though, so I'm going to list my favorite characters, personality-wise, and my favorite heroes to play as.

Unfortunately, the world is still very bare-boned, so there isn't a lot of in-depth stories with these guys, only that which we've been told through the Overwatch page, the cinematic trailers, the ongoing comic series, and what we can glean from the in-game dialogue. With all these in mind, these are my favorite characters so far, in terms of actual characterization, without any influence from playing them or playing against them.

1. Jesse McCree - he's such a sweetheart, and I loved his comic a lot.
2. Reinhardt Wilhelm - if I were to call anyone my "waifu," it'd be this guy.
3. Lúcio Correia dos Santos - he's got so much energy and enthusiasm and is so supportive of his team, on top of being a revolutionary and a musician, he's just so great.
4. Jamison "Junkrat" Fawkes - I feel obligated to put this guy here; and let me just say that I vastly prefer is canon portrayal to his fanon portrayal (he's not 100% manic all the time, jfc)
5. Don't really have one, but I'm also fond of Genji and Hanzo Shimada, if only because I've become increasingly familiar with them through fanfiction (I am McHanzo trash, to literally no one's surprise). I also like Jack Morrison and Gabriel Reyes, but not their bitter alter egos, Solder: 76 and Reaper. Bitterness is so tiresome.

On the other side, I've been trying to play a lot more characters, so there will be a little variance between favorite character personalities and favorite characters to play.

1. Junkrat - I suck at aiming, so throwing bombs in the general direction of people is my best option. It helps that I also love his sense of humor. Still need to practice with the Rip-Tire though... Regardless, Junkrat's my go-to hero who I feel most comfortable with and don't feel as much pressure to do a specific role (like if I play most of the other characters on this list).
2. Reinhardt Wilhelm - I've been playing him a lot more recently and I've just fallen in love with him. Like Junkrat, there's a bit less aiming involved, though I've been practicing his charge and his fire strike, so when my shield's down I'm not defenseless. It's that shield, though, and the feeling of satisfaction of properly protecting your team that makes me love playing him so much.
3. Mercy - Best healing support, by far, and, with practice, I can suitably heal my team (as long as they STAY CLOSE BY, GFDI, because heading off on your own as a Mercy is a DEATH SENTENCE). Also, that rez is literally a life saver. Much like Reinhardt, I like that feeling of satisfaction I get for providing a necessary service to my team.
4. Lúcio - Not as good as Mercy, but better than Zenyatta and a lot less complicated. I've been practicing more as Lúcio just because I WANT to play him. His switch between healing and buffing has the potential to be really useful, and his ult doesn't make me feel like I have to wait for the planets to align like with everyone else's. He's not an easy hero at all (wall-scaling, or whatever, is currently giving me grief), but he's fun to play.
5. Soldier: 76 - Literally the only offense hero I play because he's got the pulse rifle that shoots multiple shots > single shots. Like I said earlier, my aiming has much to be desired (though I'm practicing), so characters that rely less on accuracy are the ones I gravitate towards. On top of that, he's got the helix rockets that help out in a pinch (though I still can't helix jump) and he can heal himself, so doesn't have to worry about being as close to the healers (though I need to remember he has it). I'm still not great as him, but I'm getting better.

I also play a some Bastion, Torbjörn, and Symmetra, though with a lot less frequency. Then, I have plans to practice with McCree, Sombra, D.Va, and Roadhog. (And can I just say how much I'm not looking forward to practicing with D.Va? I just don't like her, personality or gameplay-wise. It just sucks that she's so useful.)

More Overwatch Stuff

Idk, I just want to talk about the heroes I've been playing a lot of.

In games like this, you really should be familiar with every single hero, even if you're not the best with all of them. I'm trying really hard to get familiar with all of them, but, y'know, there's just some characters that don't fit your personality/temperament/play style. Like, for example, me and offensive characters just don't fucking work. Even "easy" heroes like Soldier: 76 and Reaper, it's like, get outta here with those guys, I just can't. Meanwhile, I'm much better with tanks and defensive characters, and I fall back on those heroes when I play with other people as opposed to bots. Bots don't care if you're getting mowed down by Medium A.I.s because you're not very good at Sombra, but then you play with RL people and it feels like you can't let them down by playing a hero you don't have down yet, so you fall back on those two or three you know AND THEN SOME OTHER MOTHERFUCKER TAKES JUNKRAT. How dare they.

But, seriously, for posterity's sake, here are the heroes I'm currently okay playing:

OFFENSIVE:
*laughing for a million years*
-Soldier: 76 maybe?????? If I'm forced??????

DEFENSIVE:
-Bastion~
-JUNKRAT, MAH MAIN MAN
-Torbjörn (ha still have the ö on my clipboard :DDDDD)

TANK:
-D.Va
-Reinhardt
-Roadhog
-Zarya
(there's another tank in here somewhere that can go fuck itself I feel...oh yeah FUCKING WINSTON WTF FUCK WINSTON)

SUPPORT:
-Lúcio (now ú's on the clipboard, sorry suddeny-Hispanic-Torbjúrn)
-Mercy
(I've been trying so hard with Zenyatta but his mechanics are so weird - is this one of those things where you change the key-mapping for certain characters? And, oh yeah, note to self: change Mercy's healing to toggle healing because omfg.)

Idk if you can tell, but Junkrat's the ultimate fave atm, because he's fun and also fuck aiming. Lots of damage + little aiming + self-destruct death = my kind of hero. I also enjoy Bastion, especially on maps where I get to just park somewhere and blow people away.

My goals:
-get good with at least one offensive hero (probs going to be Soldier: 76 with how much I play him, lbr)
-practice with Symmetra, I feel she could be really useful to have on hand

And, seriously, all the offensive heroes seem so overrated? Like they're trying too hard with the designs? I mean: Genji, weeaboo #2 (second only to HANZO); McCree the Kid who requires the steadiest hand in the West to get any shots on people; Reaper the Cheater, seriously, anyone who plays Reaper's fucking cheating because he's CHEAP, I saw a Reaper get POTG when he ACCIDENTALLY used his ult, that's how OP this guy is in non-competitive. Then I SUCK with Sombra, Pharah, and Tracer, because, again, that's just NOT MY PLAY STYLE. Soldier: 76 you'd think would be better but he's fucking squishy as hell so I just get mowed down as soon as I show my face. It's awful.

So I'll be practicing in A.I. matches with offensives, and in PvP will be sticking with characters I actually feel okay playing.

Overwatch Hell

I blame my BFF entirely for the new hell I'm in. I've been ignoring anything Overwatch-related for months, even when my brother was eagerly awaiting it's release and he got giddy over anything Tracer-related, I didn't care about Overwatch. My dashboard had been and still is covered in Overwatch content, and I had things like "mchanzo" blacklisted, barely understanding what it meant. And now? Fucking now? Now, I am the proud owner of the Overwatch Origins Edition because it has the Strike Commander Morrison skin for Soldier: 76. God-fucking-dammit.

Again, I blame my friend.

I can't say when he first showed me clips from a group of Aussie Youtubers who played a lot of Overwatch (I want to say he first showed me Zylbrad? But it could've been Muselk or even Oasis, who knows. I DO know that he showed me a video with Oasis in it because her voice is like audible sugar, seriously.) He'd mentioned them on and off for a while, but even with a few clips, I was like, "yeah, that's funny," and moved on. And then he had the audacity to show me entire videos, from Bazza Gazza and Tyrodin. Then, the straw to break the camel's back: The World's Worst Coach by Muselk, where he "teaches" a friend's friend "how to play" Overwatch using Torbjörn and fails utterly, and next thing I knew I was in Overwatch Aussie Youtuber hell, and was following Muselk, Bazza Gazza, and Tyrodin by the end of the night, OasisOnOverwatch by the end of the week, and Zylbrad in the next week.

Then the universe decides to be funny and put the Overwatch Free Weekend two weeks after the initial entrance into hell, which led to a weekend spent playing Overwatch and reading Overwatch fanfiction, and ending with me buying the game.

Ugh.

Stucky Rant

I'm going to preface by saying that I have no beef with Stucky (Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes) in 99% of the pairing's many, many variations (with the exception being hate sex, just because of how I read their dynamic, but to each their own), but I'm ranting anyway because sometimes you're just feeling bereft of a certain dynamic within a pairing, and it's a rant because, especially with this specific pairing, this should NOT be a dynamic that should be missing within the fandom.

I am an avid reader of basically every type of fanfiction, from canon to canon-divergent to outright alternate universes; within those, I'll read all the different spins and interpretations you can take on the ship/verse, from (within Stucky) Steve becoming the Winter Soldier to Bucky being born in the 1980's to the two having a meet-cute in some modern AU. Seriously, I'll read almost anything, especially with this pairing.

One of the things I love about Stucky is how versatile it is within canon itself - because there's pre-WW2, on the battlefield, and in the 21st century (and all the variations within the 21st century alone), and there are different dynamics for each, so it's almost always fresh. Then add the infinite possibilities with AUs, and there are near-endless amounts of fanfic to read no matter what mood you're in.

Now, I'm not going to say I'm not picky, or I'm not looking for specific plots that just aren't plentiful, because I know I'm particular, but most I can excuse because I understand why there's focus in some areas and less in others.

What baffles my mind, however, is how plentiful meet-cute AUs are in this fandom (and this is outside of that Meet-Cute AU series by 74days, which has 50 stories so far), in comparison to AUs where Steve and Bucky have been friends since childhood. From a fandom that cries over the iconic line "Best friends since childhood, Bucky Barnes and Steven Rogers were inseparable in both the schoolyard and the battlefield" from The Winter Soldier on a daily basis, you'd think we'd luxuriate in this relationship in all interpretations of it, but it's surprisingly lacking in the fics based in alternate universes. Sometimes authors compromise and have them be friends from childhood to adolescence but a plot device keeps them apart until later in life where Bucky is a veteran freshly discharged from being a spec ops soldier and is dealing with life as an amputee with severe PTSD they're reunited and fall in love, but even these aren't common.

It's not that I don't understand why meetings aren't popular because of course they are - in every fandom, in every medium since the dawn of time we've loved romances based on chance encounters that turn into something more, among other reasons - but you'd think with this pairing with their canon history, that'd we'd make more of an exception, right? Or at least there'd be more authors wanting to explore how they'd go from lifelong best friends to something more romantic, even in an alternate universe (you know, a universe where homosexuality isn't illegal).

Who knows, maybe there's a treasure trove somewhere that I've yet to stumble upon, what with the fanfic count for Stucky on AO3 being more than 20K (and growing) - which, if this is the case, some recs would be amazing. But, also, a more consistent tagging system would be fantastic, because, man, the tagging system is all over the place in this fandom. Just a "Best Friends Since Childhood" tag would be enough. (My heart's fluttering just thinking about it.)

Anyway, sorry, it's just been something that's baffled me as I trawl through the Stucky tag.

Dragon Age: The Last Flight

After probably around a year, I've finally finished the fifth book set in the Dragon Age universe, The Last Flight, written by Liane Merciel, making this the second book in the DA 'verse not written by former DA lead writer, David Gaider.

This story follows a young elven mage living as a refugee from the Mage-Templar War at the Grey Warden fortress of Weisshaupt as she reads the diary of a elven Grey Warden mage who fought in the Fourth Blight over 400 years previously.

Spoilers under the cut.

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If you're a Dragon Age fan, especially if you're interested in the Wardens, I highly recommend this book. Go forth and buy it or check it out at a library or borrow it from someone, it's great.

Dragon Age: Magekiller #1

Yes! New Dragon Age content! And after the last Dragon Age comics, I was really looking forward to this one. So far, it looks really exciting!

Spoilers under the cut.

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Star Wars: The Prequel Trilogy

When parents have babies, many record the daily lives of those babies, to document the rapid development of small beings once not even able to open their eyes or lift their heads all the way to walking and talking in a few short years. My parents were no different. Every once in a while, my parents will pull out the home movies and reminisce about my brother and I as babies. One of their favorites is a video of my brother and I toddling around in front of a TV, a TV playing a now very familiar movie.

"What does Luke say?" One of my parents asks.
"Noooooooo!" My brother and I answer.
"What does Darth Vader say?"
My brother and I respond with heavy breathing.

We were raised on the original Star Wars trilogy. Instead of animal sounds, we were asked what the characters in the Star Wars universe said. As children, we had lightsaber toys and countless Star Wars-themed LEGO sets. When The Phantom Menace came out, we were ecstatic. And also eight years old. Honestly, I believe this is one of the biggest reasons for why we love the prequel trilogy, despite its glaring flaws.

And that's the thing. We LOVE the prequel trilogy. The Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones, Revenge of the Sith. Fucking love them. Yes, there are flaws, BIG ones (I mean, jfc, what were they thinking casting Hayden Christensen as Anakin Skywalker? He was terrible.), but what about what was GOOD about the prequel trilogy? And there's a lot of good, good that Star Wars elitists ignore.

For me, the good in the prequel trilogy isn't all it takes for me to love them. Hell, if I'm going to be completely honest here, I PREFER them. Yeah, that's right, I fucking said it: I prefer the Star Wars prequel trilogy to the sacred original trilogy. I always knew it, I think even since watching The Phantom Menace as a child, I knew I preferred the newer films.

It reminds me of The Hobbit Trilogy, another trilogy coming after an older trilogy revered as sacred by the fanbase, and yet another franchise where I prefer the newer films to the older ones.

It's not just because I like how shiny and new they look (my god, I remember re-watching Two Towers after watching An Unexpected Journey and seeing, for the first time, how blatantly CGI Gollum was in the Lord of the Rings trilogy compared to Gollum in The Hobbit).

Like with The Hobbit, I care immensely more for the characters in the newer trilogies than I do the original. Bilbo Baggins with Thorin Oakenshield and his company of 12 dwarves? Give me them over Frodo and Aragorn any day (not that I don't love the rest of the Fellowship, but Thorin's Company > The Fellowship).

In the same way, I'd feel no remorse whatsoever if Luke had bit the dust in the trilogy because, oh my god, I really can't stand him. Who else is there? Leia, Han, and Chewy? I raise you Qui-Gon, Padme, and Jar-Jar, who I love unironically and unapologetically. Darth Vader and Darth Sidious? What about Darth Maul, Count Dooku, General Grievous, and Jango Fett? Don't even get me started on Ben Kenobi versus Obi-Wan. Absolutely no contest.

Sure, there's Hayden Christensen's Anakin and the absolute disaster that is the Anakin/Padme romance subplot, but absolutely everything else is great.

Also: THE CLONE WARS.

I don't give a fuck what anyone says, the clone troopers are vastly superior to the storm troopers. Clone troopers are BADASS, while storm troopers' legendarily horrible shooting has become an internet meme. Have you ever seen either of The Clone Wars TV shows? Yeah, they're cartoons, but they are far from childish (good lord, the newer show (with Ahsoka Tano) can get (and does get) BRUTAL).

Not to mention ALL THE JEDI. And how fleshed out the Jedi Order is and all the Jedi within. Not even kidding when I say one of my favorite Star Wars character of all time is Jedi Master Shaak Ti.

This is another big reason I prefer the prequel trilogy: the Jedi Order, at its PEAK.

As a little girl, I never loved Luke, never had a crush on Han Solo, never even admired Leia. No, no, the character I adored was Obi-Wan Kenobi. He was badass and wise and a JEDI. Then the new movies came out and there were MORE JEDI. SO MANY JEDI. I was in love. Why the hell did I have to love the original trilogy because it came first? Because they were technically "better" (better written, better directed)? The new movies have JEDI, and Obi-Wan's not dead! I'm not stuck with Luke! I get younger Obi-Wan! I get Qui-Gon, Mace Windu, a Yoda who's active in the universe, Shaak Ti, Aayla Secura, Kit Fisto, Saesee Tinn, Ki-Adi-Mundi, and more! Why settle for less?

And, finally, it wasn't so DESOLATE. Oh, sure, Order 66 happened, which was fucking DEVASTATING. But I'm talking about the UNIVERSE. We're not stuck on barren Tatooine, or desolate Hoth, or retro Cloud City, or even the unsophisticated moon of Endor. No, we get Naboo and CORUSCANT. The universe doesn't look like we're living in some Fallout universe. Instead we're living in Mass Effect, where everything's at peak condition and it feels like a science fantasy and not some dreary post-apocalyptic universe still clinging to the technology of the past without advancing.

There's just...SO MUCH GOOD in the prequel trilogy. People discount it because Jar-Jar's "irritating" or Anakin's whiny (which I'm not arguing because he's definitely the worst part of the the prequel trilogy), but by doing this, people are ignoring the good parts of the prequel trilogy, choosing to cling desperately to the original trilogy and insult everything that isn't it, like baby boomers claiming millenials are ruining America and the future is lost because we have better technology and have the audacity to use it.

I just love the prequel trilogy SO FUCKING MUCH, and with the new movie coming out and all the marketing bombarding us worse than the dreaded Minions, I just...wanted to vent, I guess. I was at the store today, witnessing said marketing, and if it wasn't Force Awakens merch, it was Vader or Boba Fett or classic storm troopers or Luke, Leia, Han, and Chewy, and my bro and I were wondering, "Where the hell's clone trooper merch? Where are the battle droids?" Nowhere, because no one likes the prequel trilogy right? Next thing you know, the entire prequel trilogy's going to get retconned like X-2 and X-Men: Last Stand after X-Men: Days of Future Past, and I'd fucking HATE that, just because some whining fuckboys were crying about how Jar-Jar ruined Star Wars. Keep your hate to yourselves, assholes, and get over yourselves. If you're spending so much time hating on the prequels and their fans, you have a serious problem, and I have some advice for you:

 photo starwars_gohome.jpg_zpsxjl7i2es.gif

Oct. 23rd, 2015

Hunny has been a constant in my life since I was five. My first memories are from when I was three, so that essentially means there are approximately two years of memories that he wasn't a part of, and those two years were before I even knew how to read (what even is memory when you're three and four?). 85% of my recollected lifetime include Hunny. I grew up with him. He lived with us in four different houses. Through most of my years of schooling. Through pain and loss and happiness. He was a significant member of our family and a significant being in my life.

When our other pets passed -Chester, Amber, Buddy- we were devastated, but I remembered them by putting pictures of them wherever I could, so I could look at them and remember, no matter how painful. I can't even THINK about Hunny's little face and his soft, fluffy fur without feeling like my heart is being ripped from my chest and my soul is turning into ash. Just being reminded that I will NEVER see him again, or touch him, press my face into his fur, or kiss him, or pet him, or tell him how much I love him devastates me.

I've been lucky to not lose any major members of my family. Even my grandmother, who passed away almost ten years ago, wasn't someone I was particularly close to (besides, I was twelve, what was death to me?) Hunny, though. He was a major member of my family, a major part of my life, and now I am forever parted from him and it hurts, more than any other pain I've felt.

There's no where in my house I can walk without finding myself frozen in place at the thought that he will never be there again. Jacob's room, my room, the hallway, the living room, the kitchen, the place in front of the door where he always used to lie down in the sun, waiting for food. Everything reminds of him and I hate it.

His passing is the worst experience of my entire life, and I'd give anything to hold him again.

I know I can't, so I'll have to be content to wait until the day I join him in Heaven.

I love you, Hunny.